Taking Chances.

I had a thought smack me in the face today. Do you ever have a day like that? It's like we put our philosophical hats on and start thinking about things and we realize a truth maybe we didn't realize before.

Anyway. I was thinking about how I have completely changed from two, three, five years ago. I have become extremely stand-offish and cold, and it's really, really, really bothering me. I always push people away. It doesn't matter who they are or what the circumstances are; if I feel I am getting too attached, I push them away for a while. And I know WHY I do this. I don't have to be Aristotle to figure that one out. I don't say the funny thing I'm thinking to say, because someone will just tell me it's stupid. What it boils down to is yes, I have had friends that have ditched me. Yes, I have had the people I trusted the most talk about me behind my back. Yes, I have had my heart broken. Everyone has. But this "disloyalty" that was perpetrated on me has cut me so unusually deep that the thought of ever getting extremely close to anyone is a scary and nightmarish for me to think about. I keep everyone at arm's length, because I don't want to get hurt.

No, this wasn't the thought that smacked me in the face. The thought that smacked me in the face was one sentence.

We are all running from something.

I don't care if you say otherwise; we are all running from a previous hurt that has damaged us. We are all trying to forget. But the thing is, I for some reason CAN'T forget. I can't let go of it and it drives me nuts, because I feel like if I let people get close to me, they are going to hurt me just as badly, if not worse.

There is a quote that Bob Marley said. He said, "Everyone is going to hurt you; you just have to decide who's worth it." I really hate this quote, but it's completely true. The reason I hate it is because in my perfect world where no one gets hurt, the people who are meant to be your friends or otherwise never hurt you. But that's not the case in reality.

So I guess the only thing we can do is move on. We have to let go of what has hurt us, brace ourselves for the pain might come, but hope that maybe it won't. I mean the freaking quote on my page right below the title is all about diving headfirst into life and throwing caution to the wind.

I just need to learn, accept, and apply this to my life: Life is all about taking chances; not just on situations, but on people too.